Joy is in the Self

JOY IS IN THE SELF

By Jean Gael
*(Version 30/1/2005)*

### **Preamble**

This is the account of a contemporary nondual experience—how, for the first time, the author perceived reality as "not two," as a boundless ocean without limits, borders, categories, objects, or subjects. It then describes the new way of perceiving daily life following this inner upheaval.

This preamble explains how to read and receive what is shared here. Be aware that these words speak more to your unconscious, to your heart, than to your conscious mind or intellect. What does this mean? Let these words steep in your heart, where they may plant seeds of nonduality that will blossom later. If you read intellectually, you may grasp certain ideas, but the essence will elude you. Such is the way. If you open your heart, set aside comparative and critical thinking, you allow the door of inner being to crack open—the interiority that vibrates in response to the call of self-perfection.

Some clarifications about how the author perceives the mind may help you better grasp the text. What is commonly called the "unconscious" is, to the author, merely the fundamental, undifferentiated (or barely differentiated) aspect of the mind. Picture a tree: the trunk represents the mind’s foundational aspect, while the large branches, smaller branches, and foliage symbolize how the mind splits into deep and superficial layers—the foliage being the swirling thoughts on the mind’s conscious surface.

What follows describes the sap rising from the roots and trunk *before* differentiation. If you can receive these words in their natural emergence, these same deep layers will resonate within you, and you will understand from within what is being conveyed. Read slowly, letting the ideas infuse...

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### **1. In the Spring of Eternity**

In July 1976, I was flipping through the *Tao Te Ching* (the ancient Chinese treatise on the Principle and its action) by Lao Tzu, written twenty-five centuries ago. Its subject—the original Principle (*Tao*) and its productive force (*Te*), the mother of the universe—was so radically unfamiliar to me that I lost all inner bearings. Empty, I was cast onto the shore of the unknowable.

I set the book down and gazed through the window at the monotonous drizzle misting over Saint-Mathieu Church in Quimper. Suddenly, thought stopped. Within this frozen body, total inner stillness arose. An unfathomable silence swallowed me. A transparent flow of consciousness and love saturated everything in my field of vision. There was no measure, no limit, no separation. An absolute, timeless instant—fullness, bliss, freedom. Nothing was lacking...

It was as if all the rain-glistened rooftops *were* consciousness. I perceived transparent awareness in all things and beings, against a backdrop of happiness unlike any other.

I wrote:
*"I weep with immense joy: the ROCK is touched. Believing I was swimming in search of the saving rock, I now see I AM that rock. In this search, I was running toward Being. But peace lies in Non-Being—not theoretically, but truly. When I am no longer anything, I can be one with everything. Stillness within motion, stillness within love. Non-action... to act more fully. Non-love... to love more deeply! So much truth!"*

I once wondered: *Why humility?* Now it’s clear: to *be nothing*. Having become nothing, having recognized my fundamental emptiness, what can happen to me? Being nothing, everything unfolds through this body without the interference of a fearful, desiring person. Life then bursts forth with a thousand energies! The nightmare is over. Time has stopped. Now—ugly or beautiful, rich or poor, healthy or sick—who remains to suffer? No one.

So many precepts, commandments, permissions, and above all prohibitions—so many dualities paved my inner path—were vaporized by the *Tao Te Ching* in its natural clarity. Linking pairs of opposites—hot because cold, evil because good, rich because poor, ugly because beautiful, big because small, light because heavy, pleasure because pain, desire because fear—all these dissolved in this suddenly infinite awareness, leaving only a pristine, transparent field: an inner light gently tinged with love, compassion, a subtle benevolent radiance, a sense of total perfection.

A joyful laugh mocked my heavy attempts to grasp *This*, the Inaccessible—my meditative efforts to force open the door to Nirvana. Only surrender, the so-often misunderstood and overused "letting go," truly opens that door. Yet I confess I wasn’t in a state of surrender; I was simply focused on understanding duality. It was assembling the dual puzzle that revealed to me (what I didn’t yet know was called) *Nonduality*.

The Tao was so new to my mind that no mental network could chain this flight into the unconditioned. How had such a mind been touched by Grace? Can we even call it Grace? Isn’t it simply Chance?...

This experience seems causeless, far beyond individual will or capacity. Yes, one can only acknowledge utter powerlessness before *This*. My gaze was fresh, like a newborn’s. A new birth—yes, we could say that. And the weight of the past, all conditioning, was blown out like a candle by Sudden Awakening. A thousand years of error vanish in a second... What a game, this life... As the *Shin Jin Mei* says: *"A flower of emptiness... why suffer to grasp this illusion?"*

The peculiarity of this inner revolution is that it is incomprehensible. What we seek is what we *have always been*, unknowingly. Yet even stranger, it reveals itself in *not-knowing*, in a lived experience that disconnects all attempts at intellectual analysis or understanding. "One" understands nothing, truly. *It* knows *Itself* in perfect, absolute Union. No trace of illusion. No trace of ignorance either. No shadow in *This*. Human struggles seem like children’s dreams in a schoolyard.

If stopped time delivers us from age, it also reveals the alpha and omega of all that is and ever will be. We are finally free *to do nothing*. There is nothing left to strive for. What peace! But what terror for the restless activists! Often, they must fall before glimpsing this middle way—of not-knowing, not-being, not-becoming, and not-doing...

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### **2. Is There a Path to "Reach God"?**

You’re beginning to glimpse it—but there is *no path* to reach God, because there is no path. Fortunately, you’ve already "arrived"—except there’s no real "you"... It’s essential to fully absorb this. Here, Nonduality practically distinguishes itself from all progressive approaches. In progressive paths, the "I" isn’t immediately negated, so this "I" can journey—practicing techniques, meditations, rituals—toward a goal: liberation, Nirvana, *Sat-Chit-Ananda*, or simply a place in Paradise.

When you undress at night, do you speak of a "path of undressing"? Likewise, shedding the "me" requires no path or vehicle—only releasing false identifications.

As Arnaud Desjardins said: *"You are already naked beneath your clothes."* Our perfect nature is already here, beneath apparent veils we usually identify with. It cannot *become* more perfect, whether the veils remain or not. There is—and *can be*—no path to what we already are eternally.

And yet, isn’t there talk everywhere of paths, methods, techniques to transcend our humble condition? Organized religions have lost their soul; they are dead letters, dead ends for the seeker of the Infinite—when they don’t breed fundamentalist hornets’ nests. Modern spiritual paths often burden themselves with tradition and meditative techniques instead of pointing to the "substantive marrow," the pure and simple essence. Some even become cults. It’s hard to find an authentic Way in these cluttered spiritualities where one gets lost before glimpsing even a fold of the Creator’s numinous garment.

Amid this tangle, in an age of commercial materialism, a long-dormant flower has bloomed, radiant with purity: Nonduality. It’s astonishing that today, this "path" (or better, this inner attitude) finds expression after being guarded in secrecy for so long. It’s an unparalleled blessing to encounter it now—though Nonduality is often diluted in New Age trends. This incomparable pearl, this diamond, often needs cleansing to be appreciated in its purity.

Yet Nonduality is the essence of all living religions, especially in Asia: Advaita Vedanta, Buddhism, Chan, and Zen. But it resides in the sacred inner temple, reserved for a select few. Only recently has Dzogchen, the nondual jewel of Tibetan Buddhism, been revealed by teachers like Sogyal Rinpoche, who believes the time is ripe to sow seeds in today’s fertile chaos.

If Nonduality is the essence, it doesn’t validate doctrines that may clash irreconcilably—like Hinduism’s *Self* versus Buddhism’s *no-self*. Yet practitioners know both point to the same experience of fundamental consciousness, whether Buddhist, Taoist, Vedantin, Yogi, or Sufi. Forms multiply as soon as we enter manifestation, even when pointing to our shared Source. Here, we’ll avoid intellectual wrangling over the indiscernible, instead emphasizing the unity of all paths.

What, then, is Nonduality? It’s not a *path*, for there’s no journeying. Rather, it’s an attitude—mental, emotional, and physical—toward life, rooted in the recognition of our nonexistence as separate entities. How to glimpse this nonexistence? By observing duality itself.

This inner stance transcends all dualities—not through artificial personal will, but through understanding. The sudden interrelation of all dual pairs swallows the "person." The ego is built on these pairs; seeing through them reduces its "personal" reality to nothing. This realization triggers abrupt awakening—the discovery of no "me," no "other," and the end of suffering from perceived separation.

Of course, this may sound baffling: *"I exist! How could I discover I don’t?"* Through steady observation of consciousness. By noticing that often, there’s no sense of "I." Only afterward do we claim thoughts, actions, and decisions as "ours." Anger sweeps through this body, spewing insults—later, we apologize, saying *"it overwhelmed me."* In truth, anger blew us away like a straw—naturally, since we don’t exist. We *think* ourselves into existence intermittently, then generalize it as continuous.

*"Anger seized this body, and hurtful words arose in response to a situation."* That’s the factual account. No ego here. We almost intuit this when we say we were "overcome." But to justify the "I," we claim responsibility: *"I got angry, I’m sorry, I won’t do it again!"* (Reader, you’ll smile at this, won’t you? ;)

It’s in such daily observation that we prove the absence of a continuous, stable self. Renouncing "being someone" isn’t schizophrenia—it’s simply seeing what *is*.

Nonduality isn’t unknown to Western mystics. St. John of the Cross hinted at it: *"Empty the mind not only of worldly things but of spiritual things too..."* Others, like Meister Eckhart, spoke impersonally to avoid ruffling dogma—calling it the "Godhead." All religions and spiritual paths lean toward Nonduality, tasted only by an innocent, unburdened mind, stripped of dead scholarly layers.

Seeking God outwardly—in the universe, in life—suggests a divine Creator, ultimately ungraspable. Turning inward offers a beginning: the presence of *Being* within. Yet eventually, both "outer" and "inner" must be abandoned, for no effort is needed to be wholly ourselves. Introspection and external focus are mere mental exercises.

Initially, we’re bound to the senses, lost in phenomena, oblivious to Essence. A total shift in how we see the world and ourselves can reintegrate us with our Source. Here’s how:

*Being* is the source of phenomena; the world of forms flees it in universal movement. Returning to the origin requires abandoning the frantic pursuit of life. Instead of focusing on the *object* of consciousness, turn to the *subject*, the observer. Not because it’s "more real" than the observed, but because it conceals nondual reality—which arises when the idea *"there is an observer"* dissolves.

Is this observer personal, colored by desires and fears? Then you’re still an ego, a mental object. Is it impersonal, free of individual opinions? Then it’s the *Self*—the universal founding principle, impersonal consciousness (without a personal observer), source of cosmic energy and our deepest nature. Our task? Gradually shedding the person until only impersonality remains—and awakening abruptly at the final layer!

(And really, is there even an "inside" or "outside"?...)

These notions—personal/impersonal, subject/object—are duality’s core knot.

The *Self* isn’t opposed to the "not-self" (as in psychology). Nor is it separate from the universe, looming metaphysically above it as an absolute subject. Encompassing all without limit, it’s the "non-place" where spacetime unfolds, the "non-texture" allowing energy and consciousness to arise. The Self is *All*!

Non-being from which being, consciousness, and the universe flower—the Principle animates human experience. Lao Tzu said: *"The Principle that can be named is not the eternal Principle."* So don’t cling to the term "Self." It’s interchangeable with impersonal terms like *Principle, God, Tao, Shunyata, Sat-Chit-Ananda, Buddha, Being, Non-Being, Suchness, Absolute, Infinite, Purusha/Prakriti, Shiva/Shakti, Brahman...* (Though purists may discern nuances in this unity!)

Our lived experience of divinity is *impersonal*. There’s no personal relationship between "God the Father" and us "poor sinners." Impersonality may dizzy, but it guarantees *freedom*! It demands no obedience. Its laws are universal, governed by none!

### **2. What Does "Realizing the Self" Mean?**

It means recognizing the absence of a "me." Becoming aware of our essential reality, our most immediate nature—without intermediaries or transcendence. It’s not about expanding our perception to encompass the entire universe, becoming omnipresent and all-knowing, but simply seeing things as they are, from this limited body: the images of "me" as optional compilations, the images of others as uncertain memories or projections. Ultimately, it’s letting go of all these images and merging with the world in blissful unity.

Realizing the Self (or absolute absence—which amounts to the same thing) blossoms the heart, making it innocent, vulnerable, open, spontaneous, loving, intelligent, pure, transparent, luminous, numinous, light, vast, generous, and finally, compassionate. Self-realization is accessible to everyone by revealing the fundamental simplicity, the eternal Oneness of things and beings. Not only is it accessible—it is already here, now.

You’ll discover how we can dream this world of contrasts and multiplicity, dream of possessing a human body, a separate existence, when in truth we were never born—being infinite forever. The negation of the pseudo-subject, the "me," gives rise to this unification. Simply being yourself (recognizing the nonexistence of the "me") reconnects you to your source and, beyond that, to all that is. It establishes being far from any idea of separation, limits, birth, death, or even the universe. It is, in a way, the primordial essence before universal manifestation.

This source is always here—untouched, unknowable, inaccessible except to *yourself*. *You* are that. (Or rather, *"That" is*, since "you" are not.) No technique, no master can install you in your own nature.

*(YOU) ARE ALREADY THAT! (YOU) ARE THIS REALITY, (YOU) ARE ALREADY THAT—but unconsciously!* To merge into the Self, you won’t make conscious what is beyond consciousness or unconsciousness. You can only dissolve into the unknown, the undefined, the limitless—without maps or guides. You can only disappear when awakening knocks at your door! In a flash of surrender, you understand you have always been That, embracing the whole. The "me" seemed to exist—it was a mirage!

You are indissolubly That, whatever you do—sleeping, eating, waging war, or making love... You are always That. You can never do anything to be *more* That or *less* That. How to say it? It’s closer to your heart than your pericardium...

*Nothing* ever separates you from your essential nature. *Nothing, nothing, nothing.* Here, language stumbles: *nothing* separates you from your essential nature—yet only the disappearance of "you" will offer the throne to Presence. Your essential nature is *not* this "you" you identify with, this "you" the brain interprets as "existing." Would it be clearer to simply call it *"That"* without adding anything else?

Don’t be unsettled. We’re not denying the reality of the individual physical body—only the notion of *"I."* This is what’s called identification with the body, the belief in a "me." Outside this reference to the physical body, is there any fortress capable of protecting the "I"?

Why do we say that things and beings don’t exist "in themselves"? They exist only in the consciousness of the observer. Without this consciousness distinguishing differences, all we see is *Being—*limitless, undivided. This realization requires relinquishing our cherished chains. We want to grasp the moon—but without taking our feet out of our slippers! We must let go of our conventional habits of thought, action, feeling—in short, of *life*—because they structure our self-concept and worldview, ultimately distancing us from the shore of Unity, Self-realization, and illumination, which lie beyond thought, intellect, knowledge, and relative consciousness. The Self blossoms far beyond narrow ideas.

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### **3. The Knowledge of the Absolute**

Realizing the Absolute does not pass through language or thought. It precedes, transcends, and encompasses them. Its nature is ungraspable. Instead of grasping, we must open, understand, and let go. *Nothing* can be separated from the Absolute, so we have nothing to "do" to attain it—only to realize that *(we) are already wholly Absolute, though unconsciously.*

Reflect on this presence within your unconsciousness... or on your absence within your consciousness... This search is doubly unprecedented: it is not of the domain of thought or language; it is ungraspable—yet fortunately, it is already in the palm of your hand! No need to circle the globe to discover the truth. As Papaji, a disciple of Ramana Maharshi, said: *"Just be quiet."* Stay still, where you are. Everything is already here, perfectly accomplished.

If it’s not a matter of language or thought, what is it? A matter of *observation, vigilance, state of consciousness, state of unconsciousness, the intelligence of the heart:* Unconditional listening, open and benevolent receptivity, the *"yes to what is,"* inner centering, emotional fluidity rooted in acceptance—all this weaves the web of our Presence.

A fresh, innocent listening does not refer to the past or acquired knowledge to make comparisons, nor does it project into the future with plans, intentions, or anticipations. In short, the pure and simple disappearance of all reference to *"me-I."* Only then can we catch the old mental mechanisms that rush to pull us back into the known and the secure, with clipped wings.

When we are *"like infinite being,"* without motivation, without desire or fear—almost unconscious—then it will brush our head with its wings colored in absence.

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### **4. The Great Doubt**

Our fundamental nature is already fully present here and now—since it is *thanks to it* that you are reading these lines! Do you understand? We believed it lay buried in our unconscious, covered by the activity of our relative, functional consciousness—our conceptions of the outer and inner world, oriented toward oppositions, choices, rejections, desires, and fears. Yet it was always fully exposed, evident as soon as our gaze turned toward *"that which sees."*

But we are so often drowned in unverified opinions, others’ experiences, the cultural conditioning of our society that we live on a heap of secondhand ideas. Discovering this unchanging, free, ungraspable reality within ourselves demands questioning everything we’ve held as real until now. We must spare no effort to free ourselves from hearsay, clichés, and the tacit consensus that paves our path. Nothing should be accepted without direct verification—especially the existence of the ego, that chimeric consensus...

Even the essential is cluttered with personal opinions superimposed on an already heavy tradition. Here again, absolute doubt will open the door to the Real. Liberation comes at this price—for to be free is first to shed the accumulations of cultural, philosophical, and spiritual pasts that our societies maintain (rather poorly, since they fail to reveal Reality directly).

What, then, is the root of duality’s grip? Pause and ask yourself. Don’t rush to the answer that follows—it will only blossom in your heart if you question deeply, truly.

Names and forms, the limitations of things and beings, stem from a single act of the mind: *projecting its own subjectivity onto the environment*, thereby granting these so-called objects and beings a density they do not possess. The presence of individual beings exists only in the brains of witnesses—to the point that each, before a mirror, ends up taking itself for a separate entity, endowed with existence, by interpreting others’ gaze... A hall of mirrors. Observe this. Isn’t it true?

Doesn’t everyone crave existence in another’s eyes? As if they already knew their nature was emptiness. Please—this is of the utmost importance. *See this.* In an instant, things and beings reclaim their fundamental nature: *Being without attributes.* Nothing is, in itself, separate. Separation arises in the contemplating mind. If it discovers the falsity of this universal projection, then... *Consider this*—deeply, totally—and the world empties of duality.

To doubt is to observe the world and discern the subtle veil we drape over it—the veil of meaning imposed on the universe, on events (*"There are no coincidences!"*), the interpretation of lived experience, the projection onto this landscape to separate, then seize or reject, qualify or deny. We perceive *our* world, not *the* world. We see others through the prism of prejudice, not as they truly are—free of our personal concepts, our vision.

Doubt means discovering a near-gigantic mountain of hastily recorded assumptions, ready to lead us down the slippery slope of stupidity. Our worldview conditions our perception: dualistic concepts, dualistic vision. All this activity of dualistic consciousness seeds the unconscious and keeps the hidden treasure buried...

Doubt means valuing the so-called unconscious over waking consciousness, since the latter is so stained with duality. Our unconscious is also tainted—but by its undifferentiated nature, it brings us closer to the Self. The game is won in the unconscious, if we realize the true emptiness of things and beings—for without the spectators’ unconscious and its capacity to discriminate, there is no separate existence. Only limitless Being.

Doubt—even of existing—opens us to this unfathomable depth we cannot name as Being or Nothingness... If we’re convinced the world *is*, we deprive ourselves of access to Nothingness. Asserting the world as an object posits us as a subject. But neither being nor nothingness, neither object nor subject—and the universal bubble bursts, a flower of emptiness...

Qualification imprisons the object. If we avoid qualification, the world becomes an open book with nothing written on it—an unconditional openness to *what-is*, to *"I don’t know..."* This openness is love.

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### **5. Do We Need a Master to Discover the Absolute?**

Granting someone else the power to reveal the Absolute is like searching the streets for the person who has the keys to your own home... All effective spiritual paths lead to a singular point: *alone*, we enter the heart of the temple. At the threshold of the Absolute, there is no God, no guru, no disciple. A single ripple circles on the still lake—then vanishes so *That* may be.

The guide’s role is simply to say: *"You do not exist... How could you ever free yourself? Not only is there no path—there is no traveler either!"* Then the seeker falls into great perplexity—an unavoidable passage in our quest. They must remain serene in this perplexity. Some Sufi masters intensify it in their disciples, aiming to strip them of all reference points.

Suffering arises to wake us, sprouting the will to be free. It pushes us toward awakening. So we make efforts—with or without techniques, with encouraging results. Yet sooner or later, we go in circles. There is no radical change. The pursuit of a result—even enlightenment—deprives us of awakening.

When we’ve understood the vanity of all personal seeking, a decisive step is taken. And still, this unquenchable thirst for the Absolute... *"Wait, dear disciple—I’ll initiate you into a new meditation technique to cross into Nirvikalpa Samadhi... For just $10,000!"*

How to manage this thirst when there is no goal? Little by little, our centrifugal passion transforms into vigilance, pure observation, understanding—and finally, the transcendence of this apparent paradox.

Understand well: *You were never born. You have no body, no mind, no heart.* You’ve simply accepted the ignorant consensus... Others’ gaze has misled you, made you believe in an individual existence. Any effort toward *having*—or even *being*—distances the pilgrim. When we conform to *being*, where would the impulse to act, want, obtain, covet come from? Where would comparison, opposition, struggle arise?

*Understand—and struggle no more.* Better yet, *let go.* And as for remaining here, awake and without intention? If we weren’t already rooted in Absence, it wouldn’t be possible...

*Don’t lose yourself anymore. You are already free.* Stop believing there’s a savior.

### **6. Free from the Guru**

She approached and said, *"The small spiritual group I’ve been part of for years has just fallen apart."* She felt a strange sense of liberation. The guru had revealed himself in an unexpected light—hardly the picture of balance. Resentments had piled up until they shattered the *"work of light"* he claimed to establish.

Following someone to find yourself is like descending into a chasm to find the sun. If a master is even remotely honest, they will send you back to *yourself.* Few possess that quiet flame of humility. More often, the thirst for power in some and the need to obey in others gives birth to spiritual groups—or rather, to their *night.* This alliance is fatal for discovering the Real. The Real belongs to no one; thus, whoever claims to possess it *does not,* by definition.

The Real *seizes* us sometimes—it is never seized! Let’s be clear with ourselves. What are we really seeking? Recognition of our person by others? The dominant-dominated relationship offers security, not freedom. To see the truth of *what-is,* we must fear neither solitude nor adversity.

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### **7. The Essence "Is Already Here"!**

Yet, in my mind, I veil this impersonal reality with thoughts and waves centered around the *"me,"* which, fleeing its own nothingness, fuels intention—the eternal search that marks our flight from Paradise. What clarity! What happiness in understanding this truth!

*There is no effort to make.* My goal is already fully here! I can never feel this Primordial Source *more*—**IT IS HERE, COMPLETELY!** Closer to me than my own breath. Closer than my eyes. Closer than my thoughts. **IT IS...**

But let’s clarify: Of the Absolute Essence, we cannot say it *"is,"* since it is beyond comparison. *"Already"* implies time—impossible. *"Here"* implies space—nothingness. That’s why it’s often called *"non-being."* And since we *do* see something before us, we say *"both being and non-being."* Better to say *nothing* at all, no?

The essence is motionless, foreign to all intention. Our *"me"* is a mosaic of memories, a reservoir of accumulated desires and rejections from personal history. It lives on time, becoming, projecting toward victory, fearing defeat... It feeds on distinction, leans on the myth of existing in itself. When the *"me"* seizes spirituality, it thinks it can attain it like a temporal goal. But all its efforts won’t even ripple the essential lake.

The ego—this fragmented puzzle—is not a person but the sedimentation of body-images across time. Search for it, for a fixed entity—you won’t find it. The ego was never present...

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### **8. The Undifferentiated Mind**

When the mind is not subjected to differentiation, it awakens naturally to the unity of things. (*Shin Jin Mei*) To be *not-two,* we must see that the slightest distinction makes us lose Eden. We bite the fruit of discriminating knowledge, which unfailingly brings with it the consciousness of *"good and evil,"* of possible choice—and thus possible error, the anguish of being wrong... Hence arises the suffering of duality.

Let’s return to **Undifferentiated Consciousness**, which offers itself to us. Duality requires effort; resting in the original cradle of the undifferentiated is far easier, more ergonomic. Complete relaxation of mind and body spontaneously brings this state. But with no comparison to establish, we feel *unconscious.* We assume that to exist, we must think—*"Cogito ergo sum."* In truth, it’s *"Cogito ego sum"*—*"I think, therefore 'I' am!"*—this *"I"* that, through its endless choices, distances us from the *choice-less state* of no differences.

We are unconsciously *One.* How could the One be *conscious?* Consciousness implies duality... Look closely—aren’t you seeking an *absolute of consciousness?* Seeing this, recognize with me that we are indeed united in *unconsciousness.* Yet paradoxically, we prioritize consciousness—structured by the material duality of light and shadow—which exiles us from our blissful, undifferentiated, unconscious essential nature...

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### **9. A Rustic Vision**

I was working outdoors on a beautiful day, building huts, when undifferentiated vision arose. I’d used a mechanical activity, leaving the mind free, to slip into the awareness of the One.

If you look at a sandcastle with relative consciousness, you see a fortress with towers, moats, and a drawbridge. But the *nirvanic eye* sees only sand. One vision displaces the other. Nirvana and Samsara are two ways of perceiving the universe.

- **Nirvana** is the vision of the Undifferentiated, the fundamental. No spectator separate from the spectacle. Just: **THIS. VISION.** Distinctions exist for spatiotemporal orientation, but objects are not separate in the eyes of a particular subject. No subject, no object. Strictly speaking, Nirvana means the extinction of all separation.
- **Samsara** is the vision of things as objective, different—pleasant or vile, attractive or repulsive. Or beyond emotion: merely differentiated, distinct things—concepts, mental objects.

Thought arises from discriminating consciousness, useful in daily life—but it must *never* answer the question: *"Who am I?"* Don’t we tend to hope for a thinkable, speakable answer? Our nature is *unthinkable,* beyond all determination. Let’s fearlessly leave the shore of the limited.

Looking at a landscape, we can trace the stages of consciousness toward nakedness, toward its immolation on the altar of the boundless. The first step: renounce the cherished self-image that separates us from our original face. The *"me"* must die for the limitless to be. Behind the mask—*emptiness!*

Generally, if perception is directed, the ego is active. *"Truly, because we grasp and reject, we are not free."* (*Shin Jin Mei*)

Look at your problems—where is grasping or rejection? All problems arise from our tireless personal will to desire things *other than they are.* This doesn’t mean stagnation or abandoning progress (unlike the East, which long neglected material progress as illusory). On the contrary, seeing things as they are allows us to build bridges, roads, solid houses—successful projects. We better foresee difficulties and thus their solutions.

Everything can change—but step by step. Wanting things *different* often clouds their true nature, leading to hasty conclusions and failed actions.

Nondual vision, beyond unity, is like an open field—crystalline, virgin. Man cannot enter it. Like a salt puppet bathing in the ocean, he dissolves.

We need understand only one thing: **the Self will never be caught in the nets of the intellect.** We *are* That which is ungraspable, limitless. Where, pray, could hands grip to seize it?

*"Who am I?"* This question will have no answer. The questioner vanishes at the threshold of the answer. The answer *is* the disappearance of the questioner—duality resolved.

Freedom lies beyond the subject, beyond functional consciousness. We must transcend *both* subject and object. The Absolute is not just universal subject but *subject and universe at once.* Transcending the subject means abandoning the object too—they are correlative. Keeping the subject without the object leaves a void before the subject. **Reject both.**

We’ll understand Being and Nothingness by transcending *both*—without retreating into the mind. No need to sit cross-legged to discover Nothingness, Absolute Absence. It happens with eyes wide open on the world of contrasts—and the mind unified.